Headspace

I want to be involved in your life but I can’t

Because that’s just the way things are

And that fucking sucks. It eats at me a lot.

What a mess it is to love someone so much, to the point where you feel it in every fiber of your being.

But you can’t be in their life

Because things aren’t the same anymore

You’re not the same anymore, they’re not the same anymore

And no matter how much you try to fight the urge. You know you can’t lie to yourself.

Why ever lie about your emotions or how you feel

That’s not who you are, but this is the way. This is the way things have to be.

Even if it hurts.

The person I wish to speak to is off living their own life. The last person who has seen all these different sides of me. Complete, and incomplete.

It hurts me so much to think about them. To know I can’t have what I wish to have. A moment in time, a memory, a hand to hold and a voice of reason.

If there really is another life, I wish to live through it, just know I’ll be searching for you always.

I’ll always love you.

I have found the secret

Of loving you

Always for the first time

All day I think of her

Her attention to detail

Her perfect love

Locked behind pages and pages and pages

Love will hurt you

Love will never mean to

Love is always the answer

And the sun will come crashing into my heart

But I will continue to believe

To believe that love trumps all

The cosmos will never understand

The world will never understand

I will never understand

Because who hasn’t done that?

Loved so intently

Even after everything is gone…

I still remember that night at the overlook

The cool summer breeze accompanying us while we gazed at the Dallas skyline

It’s something I find myself coming back to often

A moment in time, something I can hold and feel.

It feels warm to think of then, to place my hands on these pictures

These little pockets of joy

It felt so magical, so effortless.

I think about your eyes often

How easy it is to get lost in them

Watching your pupils dance back and forth

It feels like the world is watching me.

I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.

There’s so much I wish I could say now,

The way sunlight would pour onto your skin

The way you held me when all felt lost

The way you would see me, and hear me too.

I would do it all over again.

See the light inside my eyes,

Tell me how all of this, and love too, will ruin us.

Tell me we’ll never get use to it.

Still on my mind, sometimes it feels like things never change. But they do. They really do.

You ever feel like the world is always watching you, and nothing is ever just yours now?

I think I can speak my mind here.

I miss you very much. I wish I could talk to you.